Shin Dole ne ku ƙaunaci kanku kafin wani ya iya?

Akwai imani na kowa cewa, don ku ƙaunaci wasu da gaske, dole ne ku fara son kanku. Domin samun dangantaka mai daɗi da lafiya tare da wasu, musamman a cikin alaƙar soyayya, tunani ya tafi, dole ne mutane da farko su yi imani da hakan su mutane ne masu ƙauna masu darajar kansu. Tabbas, dukkanin makarantun tunani a cikin saitunan warkewa a cikin ilimin halin ɗabi'a an mai da hankali kan wannan ra'ayin, kamar warkar da mutum a tsakiya da warkar da motsin rai.

Menene ma'anar son kanku ta hanyar da ba ta amfanar da ku kai kaɗai ba har ma da alaƙar ku? Masu bincike sun dade suna mai da hankali kan manyan matakan girman kai a matsayin hanyar farko da mutane ke jin daɗin kansu. Kamar yadda aka tattauna a cikin sakonnin da suka gabata a nan, babba idan aka kwatanta da ƙananan matakan girman kai gabaɗaya suna hasashen mutanen da ke neman kusanci da haɗin gwiwa a cikin alaƙar soyayya, musamman lokacin fuskantar yanayi masu haɗari (Murray, Holmes, & Collins, 2006).

Amma girman kai na iya zama albarka mai gauraye idan ana batun alaƙa. Musamman, babba girman kai, kodayake yana da alaƙa da wasu halayen alaƙa masu kyau, kawai yana da alaƙa mai rauni ga lafiyar alaƙar gaba ɗaya (Campbell & Baumeister, 2004). A zahiri mutane na iya nuna halin ɗabi'a ga abokan hulɗa yayin da suke jin cewa waɗancan abokan haɗin gwiwar sun yi barazanar girman kan su ta wata hanya (watau cin mutuncin su).

Don haka ta yaya sauran mutane za su iya jin daɗin hakan da kansu baya yi zo tare da haɗarin girman kai? Kwanan nan, masu bincike sun fara binciken wani ɗan daban na son kai, wanda ake kira jin kai , azaman madadin madaidaicin ji na kai wanda zai iya amfana alakar soyayya da ta soyayya. Tausayi da kai ya haɗa da kallon kanku-gami da kurakuran ku-tare da alheri da yarda, kuma ba a mai da hankali sosai ko a gane ku da mummunan motsin rai. Ya ƙunshi yarda da haɗin ku ga sauran mutane da yawa a duniya waɗanda wataƙila sun kasance inda kuke yanzu a wani lokaci a rayuwarsu (Neff, 2003). Tausayawa kai gabaɗaya yana da alaƙa da aikin mutum. Yana da alaƙa da jin daɗi; mutane masu jin kai suna ba da rahoton ƙarin farin ciki, kyakkyawan fata, gamsuwa na rayuwa, da sauran sakamako mai kyau na motsa jiki idan aka kwatanta da waɗanda ke yanke hukunci da kansu (misali, Neff, 2003).

Aikin kwanan nan yana ba da shawarar cewa jin kai na iya zama da fa'ida sosai ga sakamakon dangantaka. Irin yanayin jin kai a matsayin gini wanda ke nuna alaƙar mutane da sauran mutane yakamata ya nuna cewa yana da sakamako mai kyau a cikin kusanci. Dangane da wannan dalilan, Neff and Beretvas (2013) sun bincika ko kasancewa mai tausayi yana da alaƙa da halayen alaƙa mai kyau a cikin alaƙar soyayya, kamar kasancewa mai kulawa da taimako tare da abokan tarayya. Sun ɗauki kusan ma'aurata 100 don karatun su kuma sun bincika yadda rahotannin mutane na jin kai suka annabta hasashen abokin aikin su game da halayen su a cikin alaƙar. Sun gano cewa mafi yawan mutane masu jin kai sun nuna halayen alaƙa mai kyau-kamar kasancewa masu kulawa da taimako, da ƙarancin magana ko sarrafawa-fiye da waɗanda ba su da tausayi. Bayan wannan, ƙarin mutane masu jin kai da abokan huldarsu ya ba da rahoton mafi girman matakan kyautata alaƙar.

Wannan fa'idar da alama tana haɓaka dangantaka fiye da alaƙar soyayya kuma: Kimanin ɗaliban kwaleji 500 sun rubuta game da lokacin da bukatunsu suka yi karo da na wanda suka damu da su - mahaifiyarsu, mahaifinsu, babban abokinsu, ko abokin soyayya. Daga nan ɗaliban sun ba da rahoto kan yadda suka warware rikicin, yadda suke ji game da ƙudurin, da yadda suke ji na tantance walwalar kowace dangantaka. A duk cikin dangantakar da aka bincika, matakan jin kai mafi girma sun danganci mafi girman yiwuwar yin sulhu don warware rikici; mafi girman ji na sahihanci da ƙarancin tashin hankali game da ƙudurin rikici; da mafi girman matakan kyautata zaman lafiya (Yarnell & Neff, 2013).

Don haka ga alama son kanku shine hanya mai mahimmanci don haɓaka ikon ku na son wasu-amma son kai da alama yana ƙidaya ba kawai girman kai bane, ko jin daɗi game da kanka ; ikon ku ne na tausayi zuwa kanku mai mahimmanci, aibi da duka.

Campbell, W. K., & Baumeister, RF (2004). Shin son kai wajibi ne don ƙaunar wani? Binciken ainihi da kusanci. A cikin M. B. Brewer & M. Hewstone (Eds.), Sanin kai da zamantakewa (shafi na 78–98). Malden, MA: Bugawar Blackwell.

Murray, SL, Holmes, JG, & Collins, NL (2006). Ingantaccen tabbaci: tsarin tsarin haɗarin cikin dangantaka. Littafin ilimin halin dan Adam, 132 (5), 641.

Neff, K. (2003). Tausayi na kai: Ƙarin fahimtar ra'ayi na ɗabi'a mai kyau ga kai. Kai da Shaida, 2, 85-101.

Neff, K.D. & Beretvas, N. (2013) Matsayin Tausayin Kai a Cikin Dangantakar Soyayya, Kai da Sanin, 12: 1, 78-98.

Yarnell, LM, & Neff, KD (2013). Jin kai, ƙudurin rikice-rikice tsakanin mutane, da walwala. Kai da Shaida, 12 (2), 146-159.