Hakikanin Dalilin Da Ya Sa Maza Suke Kawowa Mata Rawar Banza

Kamar yadda badakalar jima'i da ta shafi maza masu ƙarfi da alama suna ƙara zama ruwan dare (Edwards, Lee, Schwarzenegger, Strauss-Kahn, Weiner, da dai sauransu), mutane da yawa suna tambaya: Me yasa maza suka fi mata yawa haifar da waɗannan abin kunya? Me yasa, a takaice, maza sun fi mata yarda fiye da haɗarin rasa ayyukansu da danginsu don neman sabbin damar yin aure?

Ka'idojin Darwin na zaɓin yanayi da zaɓin jima'i suna ba da tsari mai ƙarfi don fahimtar bambancin jinsi a cikin wannan tilas don neman sabbin abokan aure. Kuma yayin da yawancin jama'a na iya yarda, a wani matakin, cewa wannan bambancin jinsi yana da tushen ilimin halitta, har yanzu akwai tsoro da rashin fahimta da yawa a can game da abin da wannan gaskiyar zata iya kasancewa.

Wannan tsoro da rashin fahimta ya bayyana a cikin labaran kwanan nan game da dalilin da yasa maza ke haifar da abin kunya fiye da mata. A cikin Jaridar New York yanki Sheryl Stolberg ta ce, "Zai yi sauƙi ... a yi watsi da" bambancin jinsi "a matsayin abin da ke haifar da testosterone, haɗin gwiwa tsakanin jima'i da iko." Stolberg ya ci gaba da bayyana ra'ayinta cewa bambancin shine samfurin ba na ilmin halitta ba, amma na gaskiyar cewa mata da ke kan karagar mulki sun fi aikinsu da mahimmanci (ra'ayi wanda da alama ba wata shaida mai yawa). Kuma a cikin post don Slate , Amanda Marcotte ta yaba wa Stolberg don "gudanar [don] don guje wa tarkon ƙoƙarin kafa wasu bambance -bambancen ban mamaki tsakanin jima'i tsakanin maza da mata." Ta ci gaba da ba da bayanan da ta fi so: maza suna haifar da ƙarin abin kunya saboda akwai ƙarin maza a kan mulki (ra'ayi da aka yanke a cikin wannan labarin), kuma saboda mata za su fi azabtar da azaba saboda irin wannan halayen (wanda bai bayyana dalilin da yasa mai tsananin ba. horon da maza ke fuskanta a cikin waɗannan abin kunya - misali, asarar aiki - bai yi abin da ya hana su ba).

Wannan bambancin jinsi a cikin sha’awar sababbin ma’aurata ba yana nufin cewa maza ba sa sha’awar jima’i mai ɗorewa; akasin haka, yawancin maza suna ƙoƙari don irin wannan alaƙar kuma suna ƙimanta su sosai. Amma yana nufin cewa koda lokacin da yake cikin irin wannan alaƙar, matsakaicin namiji zai ɗauki damar yin hulɗa da sabbin abokan hulɗa a matsayin abin da ya fi ƙarfin mata. Kuma ƙarfin wannan jarabawar gaba ɗaya za ta yi daidai da matsayinsa na zamantakewa, saboda mafi girman matsayinsa, ƙarin mata za su ja hankalinsa (kuma, saboda dalilan juyin halitta), da ƙarin damar da zai samu.

Don haka babban matsayi mutum sau da yawa zai fuskanci matsala. Yayin da wasu ingantattun kayayyaki a cikin kwakwalwarsa-bari mu kira su '' abubuwan sha'awa na dogon lokaci ''-suna koyar da shi yin aiki ta hanyoyin da za su amfani danginsa, aiki da martabarsa, sauran ingantattun kayayyaki-abubuwan sa na "mating"-suna roƙonsa don bin sabbin damar jima'i. Kuma waɗannan samfuran dabaru, ban da kasancewa masu rarrashi a cikin haƙƙin nasu, na iya ma yin ɓarna da tasirin samfuran sha'awa na dogon lokaci, ta hanyar haifar da mutum ya raina da rage haɗarin da ke tattare da (ga dangi, aiki da suna) a cikin bin na jin dadin jima'i. Don haka ana iya tilasta wa mutum ya bi waɗannan abubuwan ta hanyar da, ga wasu mutane, da alama abin ƙyama ne da wauta. ("Me yasa a duniya zai yi tunanin zai iya tserewa da hakan?")

Idan kai mutum ne da ke son gujewa lalata rayuwar ku don neman sabbin damar yin aure, babban fatan ku shine gane cewa lokacin da waɗannan damar suka bayyana kansu, ƙirar kwakwalwar ku zata san ainihin abin da suke so ku yi, kuma kuna iya jin kamar suna yin ƙoƙarin gwarzo don samun ku yin hakan. Suna iya ma sa ku mugun raina barnar da ayyukanku na iya haifar wa danginku da sana'arsu, da kuma ƙimanta ƙimar ku ta tserewa ko ta yafe muku. Don guje wa yin wani abu da zaku yi nadama, gane kayan haɗin ku don abin da suke, kuma ku san abin da suke ƙoƙarin rinjayar ku kuyi. Wannan ilimin zai ƙara ƙarfin ku don yin watsi da su, da kuma sauraron ƙarin sassan sassan kwakwalwar ku waɗanda suka haɓaka don yi muku hidima na dogon lokaci.

(Siffar wannan labarin ta bayyana a cikin ginshiƙin "Dokar Halitta" ta marubucin a cikin mujallar banki Mai Kula da Duniya , Summer da 2011 fitowa).

Hakkin mallaka Michael E. Farashin 2011. An tanadi duk haƙƙoƙi.